Funny Gifts for Dachshund People (Approved by Actual Wiener Dog Management)

You can always spot a Dachshund person. Their couch has a ramp. Their blankets have a burrow-shaped dent. Their phone holds 4,000 photos of a dog who is mostly torso. And at some point in every conversation, they will tell you, with complete sincerity, that their dog is "actually very brave."

We get it. Boop is run by two humans and three Dachshunds, and the Dachshunds are in charge. Lt. Dangle (Chief Skeptic), Colonel Sanders (Director of Quiet Operations) and Chuck Norris (Junior Chaos Coordinator) review every design. Their feedback mostly consists of sighing, but they have strong opinions about what a Dachshund person would actually wear.

So here is our guide to funny gifts for Dachshund people, sorted by what kind of Dachshund person you're shopping for.

First, figure out which Dachshund person they are

"Likes Dachshunds" narrows it down less than you'd think. Before you buy, ask yourself:

• Do they work out? Lifting, running, CrossFit, yoga, or walking a dog who stops to smell every blade of grass.
• Do they quote movies? If they've ever answered a question with a line from a 1980s film, you know.
• Do they treat brunch as a sport? Some people have hobbies. Some people have reservations.
• Do they just want to nap with their dog? A valid lifestyle. Possibly the correct one.

Pick the closest match and start there. Or browse every Dachshund design at once if you'd rather let the wiener dogs decide.

For the Dachshund person who lifts

Dachshunds were bred to go headfirst into badger dens, so it makes sense that their people tend to be a little intense. These are for the friend who schedules their week around leg day and their dog's dinner time, in that order.

• Chasing PRs and Squirrels: a sprinting Dachshund for the lifter whose focus disappears the second something with a fluffy tail shows up.
• AMRAPuppies: as many rounds as puppies. For CrossFit people who know exactly what AMRAP means and would still rather be holding a puppy.
• Sit, Stay, Lift, Repeat: for someone who lives somewhere between the gym and obedience class, with mixed results at both.
• Run Fast. Lift Heavy. Boop Often.: the whole training philosophy in one shirt. The third part is non-negotiable.

Every design comes as an Everyday T, a lighter Performance T, a Racerback Tank and a Crop Tank, so you can match the shirt to how they actually train. More gym jokes live in the Workout Collection.

For the Dachshund person who would rather nap

Some Dachshund people are up at 5 a.m. for the gym. Others have accepted that the dog is right and the warm spot on the couch is the priority. Respect both.

• Shavasana and Snuggles: for the yoga person who knows the best pose is the one at the end, ideally with a Dachshund on top of them.
• Everything Hurts: our newest drop, starring a Dachshund sitting in the wreckage of a plush toy, looking at you like you owe him an explanation. Long back, short legs, longer list of complaints. For anyone who woke up sore and would like to point at "pretty much everything."

For the Dachshund person who quotes movies and music

If their love language is a well-timed movie reference, these are the ones.

• The Extra. Treatrestrial.: our E.T. parody, with a Dachshund riding in a bike basket under a full moon. For people who would phone home, but only after one more walk.
• Pivot: our Friends parody. A German Shepherd, a Golden Retriever and a Dachshund restage the couch-moving scene with a stick several sizes too big for them. For anyone who has never once successfully moved furniture either.
• All You Need Is Dogs: the Abbey Road crosswalk, with short, fluffy, pointy and speedy dogs instead of Beatles. For dog people who appreciate a good crosswalk.

For the brunch and cookout crowd

• Brunch Beast: a Dachshund who treats bottomless brunch like a competitive event. For the friend who has opinions about mimosa ratios.
• Hot Dogs and Fireworks: a wiener dog at a cookout. The joke writes itself, so we let it. Ideal for anyone who will be wearing it next Fourth of July.

Non-shirt gifts Dachshund people actually use

We make shirts, but we also live with three Dachshunds, so here's what gets used in our house:

• Dog stairs or a ramp. Dachshunds launch themselves off couches and beds like they're auditioning for a stunt role. A lot of owners use ramps or stairs to cut down on the jumping. If they don't have one yet, it's a gift they'll think about every day.
• A burrow blanket or covered bed. Dachshunds were bred to dig, and most of them still need to be underneath something to sleep properly. A cave-style bed or a dedicated blanket saves the owner's comforter.
• A sweater or jacket. Short legs mean they sit close to cold ground, and smooth-coated Dachshunds don't have much insulation. They will act insulted about the sweater and then refuse to take it off.
• A harness made for a long body. Standard harnesses are built for a dog shaped like a dog, not a dog shaped like a loaf of bread. Look for one with adjustable chest and belly straps.

Gear needs vary from dog to dog, so if you're not sure what they already have, ask the owner. They will be thrilled to talk about their Dachshund for 20 minutes.

How to get the size right without ruining the surprise

If you can sneak a look at a shirt they wear all the time, measure it flat across the chest just below the armpits, double it, and compare it to our size guide. The chart is in inches and centimeters and lists each garment separately, because a Crop Tank and an Everyday T do not fit the same.

Still unsure? A Boop gift card lets them pick the design, the cut and the size. Add a note telling them which design you almost bought, so they know you tried.

Frequently asked questions

What do you get someone who is obsessed with their Dachshund?

Something that shows you know their dog, not just that they have one. A Dachshund-specific shirt that matches their sense of humor, plus one practical item their dog will use (a ramp, a burrow blanket, a sweater), covers both sides.

Are these shirts unisex?

The Everyday T and Performance T are classic unisex fits. The Racerback Tank and Crop Tank are women's cuts. Every design on this list comes in all four.

How long does a Boop shirt take to arrive?

Every shirt is printed to order in the USA, so give it about 10 to 14 days. If it's a gift for a specific date, order earlier than you think you need to.

Final word from management

We asked Lt. Dangle, Colonel Sanders and Chuck Norris for a closing statement. Lt. Dangle stared at us. Colonel Sanders went back under his blanket. Chuck Norris tried to eat the notes.

We're taking that as approval. Browse every Dachshund design, or find another breed if your friend has made questionable choices and doesn't own a wiener dog.